Our team names and line-ups may change from week to week, but some things never change. There are a lot of frittatas in this league. A few of them decided to answer some questions for us.
This mysterious owner is so elusive in the wild or captivity that we don't have a lot of information about him. We can say that he is usually damn lucky in the draft ever since he picked up Adrian Peterson in the first round of the first season. Other concrete facts include: he knows how to play flag football, he eats hamburgers, and he does not show up to parties that are thrown in his honor by people he doesn't know.
East Division (Stone Cold Foxes Division)
Team: Party Like a Gronk Star/Owner: Durete (1st Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliation: Patriots
All Hail Queen D the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Brunch Lineup Setters, Queen of the Frittatas and the Mouthbreathers and the other weird terms Ashley says to her enemies, Khaleesi of the Draft Board, Breaker of Down Marker Chains, and Mother of Patriots. She came, she conquered, and this year, she didn't draft three kickers. Huzzah!
Team: O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain!/Owner: Rodney (5th Pick)
Seasons in League: 2
Team Affiliation: 49ers
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Sarah Palin
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Peyton Manning is due for a breakout year
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? More than you
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. My lawyer advises me to mention that I am legally required to be 500 yards away from children
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? Seal the border and build the fence, too many Canadians in this country as is
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) Rob intentionally losing his last regular season game to stop me from making the play offs suuuuuuuuuuucked
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Take care of Dexter for a week
What's on the top of your bucket list? Your Mom
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Your Mom
What are your demands if you should win: I'm going to use my full name on the championship trophy so make sure there is sufficient space.
Team: POONCON RED/Owner: Emma (9th Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliation: Da Bears
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Milo
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Aaron Hernandez
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? 8
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. I love hitting children... all the children.
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? immigrants make delicious food
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) Coming back from a ridiculous amount two years ago to beat Brian with Andre Roberts and Brian Hartline
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Beat my pot sticker record of 30
What's on the top of your bucket list? Winning this damned league
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Steak and cold fried chicken
Any last jabs at your fellow league members: I wish ill-will upon all of thine drafts picks. Miloing for all of you!!!!
Team: RG300 Thread Counts /Owner: Rachel (13th Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliation: Braves
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Quesorito
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Aaron Rodgers
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? 1.5
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. 6
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? Bad
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) AD's dead baby
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Kill his or her self
What's on the top of your bucket list? Finishing school
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Filet o Fish and large diet coke
North Division (The Fully Committed to the Cause Division)
Team: Trix of The Trade /Owner: LB (2nd Pick)
Seasons in League: 2
Team Affiliations: Titans, Broncos, Redskins, Browns, not the Bills
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? I did 2 mock drafts during meetings at work today alone.
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Ha Ha
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? ewwwwwww
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. 8, on scientific evidence
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? We need Congress to act on comprehensive changes that encourage a legal pathway to citizenship while still maintaining the integrity of the US Border
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) I lost the playoffs last year because I got drunk with my mom, and forgot to check weather conditions before setting my lineup, so I missed that DeSean Jackson was supposed to play in 2 feet of snNOOOOOOOOOOOOOw
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Loser has to tattoo their team name as a tramp stamp
What's on the top of your bucket list? Paintball on Teddy Roosevelt Island
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Diet Coke, peanut butter Cheerios, and fois gras
Any shout outs: CRAFT BEER 4EVER
Team: Handegg Hooligans /Owner: Jack (6th Pick)
Seasons in League: 1
Team Affiliations: To me, football is just an elaborate many-sided die that generates psuedo-random data for fantasy leagues.
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Nate Silver
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Me
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? 10 maybe? It looked pretty hard.
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. 8
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? Please don't deport me
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) My many battles last year with Caroline, my pregnant French friend (and now a new mother).
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Host an end of season party.
What's on the top of your bucket list? Eat at Olive Garden.
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Ice cream.
Team: Dime Bag Swagger Gordons /Co-Owners: Chip and Ashley (10th Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliations: Chip- Ravens Ashley- Packers
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Chip- Is there a level past Hermione. If so, we're that Ashley- Taco
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Chip- Top of my list in order: Jermey Hill, Terrance West, Andre Williams, Carlos Hyde and Devonta Freeman Ashley- Trixie
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? Chip-All Da Cakes of Zebra Ashley-Maybe 2. I'm a lady.
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. Chip- Probably a good chunk. 3rd graders have one-track minds and can be easily distracted Ashley-7
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? Chip- Why we didn't pass the bi-paritsan plan, but then I remembered who's in Congress. Ashley-Send 'em all back
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) Chip-Going on a 9-win crusade going into the playoffs last year. Ashley-Finishing first after regular season the first year.
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Chip-I actually have a plan for just that our commish loves and will be shared after the draft Ashley-Loser has buy all the drinks for the winner one night.
What's on the top of your bucket list? Chip-Travel all 7 continents Ashley- Your mom
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Chip-All the taco bell Mexican pizzas Ashley- Popeye's
Final threats: Chip-Prepare for a season of pain, because this year the title's going to its one true owner Ashley-I just want Popeye's
Team: #kai ThxBai /Owner: Alex (10th Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliations: Redskins
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Cher Horowitz
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Ladarius Green
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? 10?
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. 2
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? Something non offensive
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) Stealing Roddy White while drunk from Emma.
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Loser has to dye hair color of winners teams color
What's on the top of your bucket list? cliche travelling
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Meat
Words of Wisdom: nah
West Division (The Survey says Division)
Team: I Don't Remember The Titans /Owner: Quentin (3rd Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliations: Da Bears
This mysterious owner is so elusive in the wild or captivity that we don't have a lot of information about him. We can say that he is usually damn lucky in the draft ever since he picked up Adrian Peterson in the first round of the first season. Other concrete facts include: he knows how to play flag football, he eats hamburgers, and he does not show up to parties that are thrown in his honor by people he doesn't know.
Team: Elevated Conflict /Owner: Danny(7th Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliations: Ravens
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Pete
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Ray Rice
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? All of them
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. 7
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? It's a complex problem, unregulated immigration will lead to an unstable economy yet too hefty restrictions will result in an absence of cheap labor in the US, driving our manufacturing farther down the hole and potentially ruining us if the higher technology bubbles burst. Good as is.
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) I'm the original champion of this league.
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Buy me a beer
What's on the top of your bucket list? To the moon
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Pizza with like twelve kinds of meat, odd meats too, like zebra, giraffe, panther
Something rather grumpy to add: Nah I'm good, I should do some work
Team: Dumpster Grill /Owner: Erin (11th Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliations: Redskins
This sassy minx knows how to throw down when it comes to trash talk or really long runs. We mean double digit runs. Known for not needing a winning record to go to the playoffs last year. Winning records are for suckers. She doesn't need wins to make you feel the pain of her fantasy team. She will just burn you with her crispy parking lot cooking techniques. #dropsmic
Team: Beast a la Mode /Owner: Brian (15th Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliations: Seahawks
Cried like a baby when his beloved Seattle team won the Championship last year. This year, he will try and recreate that magic in the fantasy world.
South Division (The Bougie Division)
Team: Legatron Prime /Owner: SJ (4th Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliations: Washington Racists
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Ruxin
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Aaron Hernandez
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? 30000
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. 15
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? I'm for it..
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) Laughing in the face of those that said trading away PFM at his peak was the worst decision ever made. I earned far more points with my trades than I would have if I kept PFM
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Be responsible for formally introducing the winner, each time they enter a room - "Announcing the king/queen of lineup, master/mistress of scouting, champion of the world."
What's on the top of your bucket list? Winning Jeopardy/Telling Trebek to suck it.
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? The tears of my enemies
What is your favorite witty palindrome: No sir, away! A papaya war is on!
Team: Commissioner Josh Gordon /Owner: Rob aka Commish (8th Pick)
Seasons in League: 3
Team Affiliations: Dirty Birds
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Lord Baden-Powell
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Devin Hester
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? 6
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. 50
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? I say, "Bring 'em on".
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) Throwing the One Ring into Mount Doom
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Eat an entire box of Zebra Cakes as quickly as possible
What's on the top of your bucket list? To crush my enemies, to see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentations of their women
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Catfish gumbo over rice with a side of cornbread and a glass of Chateauneuf-du-Pape
Do you have a brief way of reminding us just how smart(ass) you are: Y'all know you misspelled "Questionnaire", right?
Team: Turn Down for Watt /Co-Owners: Michele and Rachel (12th Pick)
Seasons in League: Michele-3 Rachel-2
Team Affiliations: Michele-Texans Rachel-Bengals
On a Scale of Taco to Hermione, how much did you prepare for this draft? Ask our livers
Who do you think is this year's biggest sleeper? Josh Scobee
How Many Zebra Cakes Could you Theoretically eat in 10 minutes? solid 6
How many third graders could you take all at once in a fight? Assume they've had 3 hours of combat training, and you're fighting them with no weapons and a round room with no cornered walls. Michele- Why would you need a room with corners? Honestly I think I would last against 4 Rachel- Do you even know what I do for a living?
What are your thoughts on US immigration policy? Lacking
Tell us your most glorious fantasy moment (or biggest defeat) Our team has lost to Durete for two years running
If you could determine one thing that the overall league loser had to do upon their final defeat, what would it be? Belly Button Piercing!!!!!!!
What's on the top of your bucket list? Kilimanjaro
What would your last meal be if you were on death row? Layne's Chicken Fingers
How did you prepare for this draft? Italian opera, American bourbon, and investing in bootstraps that will either pull our team up or strangle those who get in our way.
Team: Washington Mullets /Owner: Eric (16th Pick)
Seasons in League: 2 as co-owner 1 as full owner
Team Affiliations: NY Giants
Joining this league was the hardest thing Eric has had to do in awhile. Up until the day before the draft, it was pretty much touch and go. Eric looks forward to growing into his role as sole owner. Important hobbies to remember about Eric: his obsession with Capitals (he lives in one!), his never ending quest to find the perfect band name, and his insistence that you cannot spell America without Eric. True Story.
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