The events of Tuesday's night draft were crazy. Not as crazy as a 17 year-old Alabamian getting mixed up in the Tokyo racing scene*, but close. As 16deep reported on Monday, our new starting line up is as following QB, RB, WR, TE, FLEX, FLEX, D/ST, and Kicker. We have six bench spots and 1 IR. oh and PPR. Don't forget PPR.
Round 1: As seen below, Party like a Gronk Star had first pick. She was last year's champion and she got first pick. Coincidence or does fate love her that much? We will see because she threw off all of ESPN projections. Shady went first. Other surprising turn of events, You're Such a Jayhole did not pick a QB like last year. We pegged him to do that. Speaking of QBs, the two top ranked QBs went in this round Manning (not Eli) and Rodgers. O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! kicked off the "grab yourself a WR before a RB" movement. Few followed in his foot steps, but he is a pioneer in that aspect. Even more of a pioneer, Handegg Hooligans picked Jimmy Graham. The first time we have seen a TE go in the first round. But is Jimmy Graham really a TE? #checktwitter #latejokes No one yet has crashed in a high speed race yet. We are still going to Tokyo for some unexplained reason.
Round 1: As seen below, Party like a Gronk Star had first pick. She was last year's champion and she got first pick. Coincidence or does fate love her that much? We will see because she threw off all of ESPN projections. Shady went first. Other surprising turn of events, You're Such a Jayhole did not pick a QB like last year. We pegged him to do that. Speaking of QBs, the two top ranked QBs went in this round Manning (not Eli) and Rodgers. O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! kicked off the "grab yourself a WR before a RB" movement. Few followed in his foot steps, but he is a pioneer in that aspect. Even more of a pioneer, Handegg Hooligans picked Jimmy Graham. The first time we have seen a TE go in the first round. But is Jimmy Graham really a TE? #checktwitter #latejokes No one yet has crashed in a high speed race yet. We are still going to Tokyo for some unexplained reason.
Round 2: This round has a bunch of standard picks. We got your RBs and WRs. More importantly we have your TEs. Yes, two TEs went in this round. A bit of history for those new to this league, TEs were a hot commodity in season two. RBs were scarce in season one. People may be reacting to this. Most importantly though, Party like a Gronk Star got Gronk. #happyendings #whywasthatshowcancelled #itforcedthejoke #irony Also, found out that Dad is doing great in Tokyo. Some friendly "neighbor" woman is keeping him company. There is no reason to believe that there will be any trouble from our past lives catching up here.
Round 3: Dumpster Grill decided to take on the hex, nay the plague, that is Roddy White. We wish her the best. The first 49er was picked up. After going to the division championship two years running, they can't get anyone picked up until round 3. #strugglecity It is as if Crabtee is the new kid in an American school in Tokyo. Why are there American schools in Tokyo?
Round 4: Someone (ahem RG300 Thread Counts) picked up a defense in round 4. Literally the Bow Wow of choices.
Round 5: We had 6 QBs go in round 5. We loved the schadenfreude of Tom Brady going last in the fifth round to Washington Mullets. With the pick up of Chris Johnson in the last round, we have only two NFL teams left that don't have players picked up: Miami and Oakland. The espn preseason projections have Maurice Jones-Drew at 80 and Mike Wallace at 81. So we should see their proverbial numbers being drawn soon. Basically we have a race to not be last. What team do we either not have any allegiance to and all of their individual players don't have much talent? #teamsport #finalrose #stillhateJuanPablo We are getting to the point in the draft where we meet DK which cleverly enough is an initialism for Drift King. We as a league much like the Raiders and Dolphins will soon be racing to the bottom of the roster list.
Round 6: Pooncon Red answered our burning question. Miami. Miami does not have a pot to piss in. They are more lowly than the Jets or the Browns. #eastcoastpride Three more tight ends go in this round. This brings our total up to 10 gone by round 6. Trix of the Trade picks up Steven Jackson. He was hanging around the top for a long time. We are all glad someone took pity on him. It was getting embarrassing for Atlanta Falcons. Then again their run game has been embarrassing for a long time as well. At this point in the draft things got weird. Legatron Prime called Discount Doublechecks the "Justin Timberlake of Tokyo." Then there was another race. Oddly enough the cause was a fight over a girl. How many races can you get in because you want to date a girl? Can't you just text her? How do you just show up in a city and find the racing scene already?
Round 7: In round 7, Trix of the Trade picks up Riley Cooper to add the Ivory into what will likely be the Ebony and Ivory of bad draft picks. Defenses were the main attraction of this round. More like a silly side show that 5 teams decided to go to. #sideshowBob #KelseyGrammerisactaullynotverynice #teamCamille Fun fact, two of the 6 teams that picked QBs in round five also picked defenses in round 7. It seems that Washington Mullets and Pooncon Red are drafting from the same playbook. AND! DRUMROLL PLEASE! OUR FIRST KICKER! Curteosy of #kai ThxBai who picked Gostkowski. We believe her team name is based off of Kai Forbath which is totally ironic. #prosbeforeyourusualteamhoes We rounded the corner of 100 picks or drifting if the theme of this blog post would hold. The few new members to the league will spin out as we keep going. Will they crash and burn? Will they end up in debt to some strange benefactor named Han Seoul-oh? Do we need an Asian guy's name to be a play off a Star Wars character before we trust him? #Hanshotfirst
Round 8: Turn Down for Watt drafted Tannehill in a feeble attempt to remain cryogenically frozen in one owner's glory days of college. Her co-owner was kind enough not to suggest turning down the draft pick instead of saddling their team with that monstrosity. #friendship They were also last to pick up a QB. Not that important of a position right? As of three days after the draft, news broke that Sammy Watkins is broken, more precisely in his ribs are broken. Sorry, Pooncon Red. Luckily, Jayhole has Ben Tate, so broken ribs for everyone. #thestrugglerunsdeep Gronk Star picks up the Chiefs Defense and then immediately defends her choice with a "they did well for me last year." #chrisjohnsonsyndrome But seriously about this time in the draft we are all working in some randos garage trying to pay off a debt. I am not saying it is slave labor but we aren't allowed to leave town.
Round 9: With Beast a la Mode's pick up of Charles Clay, Legatron Prime was the only guy left without a TE. #insertjokehere Also, for posterity's sake we did make numerous references to Cassius Clay. We really wanted our fellow league members to know just how much we knew and that we were capable of making a subtle joke that combined sports references. #godwearegreat But seriously, hopefully Legatron Prime gets a TE soon. "Zero for one, Cowboy."
Round 10: Most leagues of ten pitiful owners would be out celebrating right now. Their draft is over. They have gone through battle and have shared in their spoils. Muahahahaha. #weaksauce The Brunch Lineup setters are just now rolling up their sleeves, making ammends with Neela, finding out Han stole a bunch of money from Unkle Kamata, and drafting some more.
Round 11: Round 11 is actually pretty boring. But here at 16 deep, we will spice it up with some ESPN-esque commentary. As league members will know that Dime Bag Swagger Gordons and Commissioner Josh Gordon were in a heated battle to the finish for League Commish. Clearly both have potential because they reference Gordon in their team names. This really communicates the different level of competition these team owners bring to the table. Commissioner Josh Gordon selected QB Josh McCown; obviously he is really into a hands off leadership position role as QB McCown can't seem to keep healthy long enough to see an actual football field. #comapick Dime Bag Swagger Gordons thought the long lost Baldwin brother would do him some good. #brotherfromanothermother But Baldwin was undrafted irl maybe he should have been in fantasy as well. #ammirite The more important and possibly more critical to this draft: Johnny "Jamboogie" Manziel was drafted. Clearly, this draft has gone to hell in a hand basket. Time for Bow Wow to close the garage door on us.
Round 12: Legatron Prime got a TE. He invited Travis Kelce from Kansas City to the big dance (is the big dance exclusive with March Madness? God I hope we didn't start a love triangle). We were worried that he forgot how to set up a line-up. #clutchcity Speaking of setting a line-up, At least three teams were upset with Beast a La Mode's pick of Shaun Hill. #cleverboy Now Turn Down for Watt has no second QB prospects for week 5. #shortbenchdontcare When you start fighting over St. Louis' back up QB turned starter, you realize your league is really just racing down a mountain with some psychotic drift racer in a duel to see who stays in Tokyo and who leaves. But isn't really about Neela? #realtalk #officiallyhave100problems
Round 13: Some really lame people went on autodraft. Some were still carefully trying to figure out which D/ST or kicker would win them the championship. Others couldn't get their shit together. Washington Mullets was one such team. Really? You needed to get a kicker that #shocker was no longer in the NFL? Just because you had good times in the past with this Scottish Kicker, but no just no. We had to stop the draft so we could search for this player. This doesn't get said very often but you are not the real MVP. Spoiler alert, HE GOT MRSA IN TAMPA AND CANT PLAY. #doresearchbeforeyourfirstdraftpickoranytimeinthe192minutesleadinguptothe13thround #calledout Much like how Sean learns to admit his mistakes and prove to his Dad that he could take responsibility after he is caught with DK sticking a gun in his face, so should every team here. Let this be a lesson.
Round 14: We have been to the mountaintop and now we are all Draft Kings. #noble We arrive at round 14 and we realize that the bottom of the barrel has been reached. This year, the Brunch Lineup Setters awarded Mr. Irrelevant to Aaron Dobson aka Dobby. #selfmutilatinghouseelf For anyone else in the wide word of the interwebs wanting to compete in a 16 team league, just know that this isn't an 11 second sprint. We, the Brunch Lineup Setters, have nothing but time. cue explosion
--16Deep
*16deep has never watched Tokyo Drift but has elected to use IMDB to fill in the details of the really poor joke it has backed itself into. #realmvp
0 comments:
Post a Comment