16Deep

The Dime Bag Swagger Gordons were defeated by Elevated Conflict this week, in a low scoring battle that failed to live up its billing as a top-of-the-table clash. The narrow loss came by a mere 1.5 points after self-proclaimed head coach Chip blundered by leaving Mohamed Sanu on the bench, despite vehement protests by junior assistant coach Ashley. The crushing loss has fuelled speculation of infighting in the Swagger Gordon camp, amid murmurings of a leadership reshuffle. 

The scale of Chip's blunder became clear during the last game of Sunday night, when Andy Dalton's long pass was caught by Sanu, his arms outstretched like two monstrous, glistening, veiny dicks. 16deep spoke with with an anonymous source in Swagger Gordon upper leadership, who said, "I fucking told Chip to play Sanu, ugh, he is the worst". 

The significance of the loss was further magnified by the the weak play of the opposition. The coach of Elevated Conflict messed up almost every single decision he had to make. Both RBs he played scored significantly worse than either of his bench RBs. Both WRs he played scored significantly worse than the WRs on his bench. It was literally impossible for him to play his RBs and WRs worse, yet he still managed to defeat the Swagger Gordons.

--Handegg Hooligans