16Deep

Handegg Hooligans (76.5) vs Dumpster Grill (64.5) (141 points total)

I chose a sad cat with a fiddle for this match-up. This was the lowest scoring game of the week. I mean Handegg Hooligans won the game by 12 points but had the fifth lowest score out all the teams. Plus, what is a Handegg Hooligan? More on point, this cat is playing the slow funeral march on both of these team's seasons. Two of Dumpster Grill's players refused to score points for her team (we are looking at you Garrett Graham and Reggie Bush). Demaryius Thomas was the lone bright spot on her team; he scored 23 points despite only getting one touchdown. Handegg Hooligans' tight-end Mychal Rivera didn't want to be the only tight end scoring in this match-up. Despite his QB having an exceptional game, Rivera didn't get one reception. NOT ONE. Overall, pretty mediocre performances made by all.

RG300 Thread Counts (77.5) vs Commissioner Josh Gordon (71.5) (149 points total)

This winged-asp perfectly epitomizes what I would like to call the "Devil went down to Georgia" game. This game went to hell in a handbasket when all of Commissioner Josh Gordon's flex players decided to score less than the Titans D/ST. I mean I get the fact that the Titans were playing the Jaguars, but no excuses. Slither or fly away from this loss if you can. Meanwhile, you got RG300 Thread Counts riding Aaron Rodger's faked spike to victory. 

#Kai ThxBai (78.5) vs Elevated Conflict (71.5) (150 points total)

This was by far my favorite match-up. #Kai ThxBai's last minute Monday night win with Michael Crabtree was amaze-balls. I mean #Kai ThxBai was projected to get whipped blindfolded like a 30 point loss. However, she kept swooping in for the kill. And doesn't that weird human headed owl look like Elevated Conflict trying to show that he doesn't give a fuck but all he really wants to do is cry? It sure does. I guess having Peyton Manning didn't matter a whole hell of a lot when you lose. Moreover, Elevated Conflict is no longer tied for first place in the league. 

POONCON RED (77) vs Washington Mullets (73) (150 points total)

What you have here is a Manticore or better known as "The Working Man's Sphinx." This creature hails from Persian mythology as fits this game because it is as derpy as Eli Manning himself. Washington Mullets has such trust and faith in the One True Eli that he benched Young Thomas Brady for Eli. That ended up being a totes derp move. Pooncon Red followed along with the derps and played the Rams defense (they went negative). You heard it here first Pooncon Red's D count is negative 2. What probably made this game a success was the fact that Washington Mullets dropped Edelman this past week and Pooncon Red picked him up. It is important to note that Washington Mullet still has Cody Latimer on his bench who has scored zero points this whole season. 

O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! (106.5) vs Legatron Prime (81) (187.5 points total)

When former roommates collide, hearts break or legatrons break. What is before us is a team floating what will known be known as the Phillip Rivers because that is exactly who O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! rode to victory. Don't get me wrong, Phillip Rivers was not the team's highest scorer; he wasn't even the match-ups highest scorer. Both of these gentlemen had the highest scorers of the week with T.Y. Hilton and Matt Forte. Unfortunetly, these flex player' points neutralized each other. I mean each scored over 30 points. T.Y. Hilton had over 200 yards 9 receptions and one touch down. Matt Forte had two touchdowns, 70 yards, and 10 receptions. But with these two players off-setting each other, Phillip River's 25 point game really made the match. Bravo to everyone involved in this game.  

I Dont Remember The Titans (110.5) vs Trix of the Trade (83.5) (194 points total)

This beast is goofy; this beast is actually kinda high brow; this beast is a Yale. It is many things. You think it might be a mythical creature, but you find out the Europeans didn't know how to characterize an Ibex. Then you start to remember that we named an Ivy League School after this animal. More importantly, did you remember the titans? Because until this week you had absolutely no need to fear Quentin's team. I mean none. Now you see that  the team has multiple horns and tusks. Who authorized this? Not Trix of the Trade. She didn't want none of that. I would like to point out that Quentin's love for the bears stops before fantasy football. This man is holding on to the Lions D and not letting go for dear life. Who thought the Lions D would be the best in the league? 20 points in the game good. Solid performances all the way around. That is how the ebola crumbles sometimes. 

Turn Down for Watt (106.5) vs Party Like A Gronk Star (89.5) (194 points total)

This match up was glorious. I mean St. Margaret of Antioch coming out of a dragon glorious. Do you have any idea how long I have waited to beat Party like a Gronk Star? TWO YEARS. Every year we would meet up on the first week and I would lose because a case of the first week shit shows. I could not stand it any more. I made two trades. I turned my line up upside down. Sweet Dee took a tie in her real life game. Everything was given to win. What a glorious win it was on the back on Arian Foster. He ran himself silly for the Texans. No appreciation there, but we love him here. But on a serious note, a lot of the other team members of Turn Down for Watt shit the bed. Kendall Wright, for example, could not find a yard against the Jaguars. That is embarrassing  for him. Even Party like a Gronk Star's Eric Decker found a way to score points and he is playing with real amateurs. 

Dime Bag Swagger Gordons (125) vs Beast a la Mode (91) (216 points total)

There isn't much about this game to say that the score itself can't say. This game was a shoot out or a multi-head creature boxing match. I mean you cut one head off, two more grew back. There weren't many bad players on either of these teams with the exception of the Bengals D and Larry Donnell. It basically came down to who had the more heads.  I mean one team looks to have a head coming out of its ass in that picture. Is that raunchy enough for you (the very few of you who are still reading until this point or better yet the two people who care about this match up and scrolled down to read it)?

Well that is all there is. I would like to thank Buzzfeed for inspiration and the actual monks who made these pictures.