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We have created 16Deep to chronicle the constant challenges that come along with having 16 teams in one fantasy football league. The struggle is real.

Suck It Playoffs Round 1: Never Count Out The Derp

The first round of the Suck It League playoffs has come + gone, but it’s definitely one of the memorable 1st rounds we’ve had since this league’s inception. 8 teams, including the last 2 champions and the forever 2nd placer(yours truly) made it to the big dance after 13 weeks on reading up on the matchups, making the right waiver wire pick, and just hoping to the fantasy gods that their players wouldn’t find themselves in the IR. In the end, only 4 teams made through the second round, including one that won by the slimmest of margins. Now let’s look back on the first week of the road to the ‘ship.


Washington Mullets vs Legatron Prime [Heartbreak of the the Week]


SJ came into his matchup with the reigning champ Eric as one of the hotter teams in our league, this year making it as the 4th seed which is a huge improvement from last year where he made it to the playoffs as the 8th team. But unfortunately, he found himself yet again on the losing side of the matchup as he lost to the Washington Mullets ironically by the same point difference as his loss last year: 2.5 points. Instead of a defense doing him in, it was the man, the myth, the legend of ODB Jesus coming through for Eric with 31.5 points in a dominating MNF performance. The Giants WR1 came up huge for Eric last year during the playoffs so it’s not farfetched to say that another strong playoff push maybe in the works. As for SJ, maybe the third time will be the charm next year….maybe


Party Like A Gronk Star vs POONCON RED TACOS [Miloing of the Week]


I made a note in my Week 2 write-up that it was probably time that we may need stop calling Durete the Taco of our league and since then, she’s pretty much has made our league her bitch this season with a 10-3 record with majority of those wins in the triple digits to show for it. Her 65-point round 1 win against the tag team of Emma and Tash was essentially business as usual, but her win was ½ her team being better, especially with the return of Gronk, and ½ Emma + Tash making some poor choices in terms of players in their line-up. Between playing Cecil Shorts III over Ted Ginn Jr. or playing  the Bears DST over the Rams DST, a lot of huge costly mistakes were made. In the end, you can say that Emma and Tash self-milo themselves out of the run for the ‘ship

Dumpster Grill vs A A Ron’s B’ O’ D’s


Despite losing Tyler Eifert to another damn injury and Eddie Lacy finally playing a 1st-round pick on the bench, the A A Ron’s B’ O’ D’s were able to avenge their 2.5-point Week 9 lost to Erin with a solid 52-point victory. With the help from the usual suspects of Jarvis Landry, Panthers D, Allen Hurns, and Michael Floyd, I was able to coast by to the semis. On the other side, despite some strong play throughout the season, this week found the Dumpster Grill living up to its name and coming up short. Though when your FLEXs + TE combine for only 9 points, your chances of winning are pretty low. Better luck next year, Ms. Grady


Mike Vick in a Box vs Geno 911


Both teams had overall good efforts from their players, but it was the big games from Russell Wilson and Jordan Reed that gave Quentin the edge over the duo of Sweet Dee and Michele in their round 1 matchup. Besides those two aforementioned players, Mike Vick in a Box got massive gains from Lamar Miller and Brandon Marshall and thus, punched his ticket to the next round with a 23-point victory. For the East Division winner, it was yet another 1st-round exit despite Blake Bortles, A.J. Green and Gary Barnidge going off on Sunday. Like S.J., maybe the 3rd time is the charm.


For the semi-final round, our first matchup has the last two league champs in Eric and Durete battling out for a spot of the finals. Will ODB come through for Eric again for a 2nd week in a row or will Gronk help smash a way for Durete to the promise land? In our second semi-final matchup, it’s myself and Quentin duking it out for the final spot for the ‘ship. Will the ever-elusive Quentin finally come out of the shadows to reach the top or will I be able to craft a line-up to my 3rd straight championship match? We’ll just have to wait + see, but I feel it’s going to be an exciting race to the finish line.


And finally, a very quick recap of the road to the most shameful of fantasy football tourneys: The Battle for the Sacko:


Rodney beats Jack
Zach beats Alex
Danny beats Laura
Rob beats Brian


Which leaves Jack, Alex B, Laura, Brian fighting for the worst of the worst while Rodney, Zach, Danny, and Rob breathing a sigh of relief for their teams might have sucked this year, they can live with the fact they are not the worst.


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PLAYOFFS?!? I’M JUST HOPING WE CAN WIN A GAME!

It’s that time of year again, the make or break week of the fantasy football season.  Week 13 is usually when the best teams move on to compete for the coveted championship and the cellar dwellers vie to avoid being personifications of fantasy Darwinism.  However, this season, such drama really didn’t exist and the difference between the playoff teams and the Sacko teams were pretty clear cut from the onset. More mockery for them later...

Here we go with Week 13:

Heartbreak of the Week:
POONCON RED TACOS vs O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! (102.5 - 98)
It wasn’t the closeness of the score that makes this a heartbreak, but it was the playoff implications.  With a win and in situation for both teams, Rodney simply wasn’t able to overcome the Poon Tacos.  Emma and Tash fielded a very competitive team throughout the early part of the season until Marshawn Lynch and Dion Lewis came down with season ending injuries, leaving the Poon Tacos without a legitimate fantasy running back.  The resulting 4-game losing streak knocked them out of the playoff picture and a showdown with Rodney for the 2nd week in a row would decide who takes the final seed in the playoffs.  WIth help from newly acquired Shaun Draughn and the reacquired David Johnson and Tom Brady lighting it up, the Poon Tacos were able to hold off the surging Kaeptains to claim the 8th seed.  Rodney came within a decent performance from Dez Bryant or starting Kirk Cousins over Philip Rivers to making the playoffs.  Better luck next season.

Miloing of the Week:
Handegg Hooligans vs Literally Goodell (127 - 82.5)
It is only appropriate that the 2-11 Goodells get completely Milo’ed to end their regular season.  Fantasy football has not been kind to the Commissioner.  With neither team making the playoffs, this was like watching the Jacksonville Jaguars play the Tennessee Titans on Thursday Night Football wearing those really ugly color rush uniforms.  Except the only rushing involved is both Jack and Rob hoping this season ends so that they can start anew nex year.

Party Like a Gronk Star vs Mike Vick in a Box (115.5 - 105)
Durete finishes the regular season as the top seed in the playoffs as she continues her roller coaster quest to go from worst to first to almost worst to first.  Her late pickup of Richard Rodgers to replace an injured Gronk was either a stroke of luck, a stroke of genius, or just a stroke…  And just like her Patriots, Durete has somehow managed to win despite no one else wanting her to.

RG3andOUT ! vs Dumpster Grill (102 - 76.5)
League newcomer Zach managed to salvage a win in the last regular season game against Erin and her perennial Dumpster FIre.  She actually will be vying for the worst to first title, as the Dumpster Fires came out of last season with the worst record.  Welcome to the league Zach, we’re not sorry you didn’t make the playoffs.

A A Ron’s B O’ D’s vs Hut hut Pizza Hut (64.5 - 57)
Danny’s awful season continues as he is defeated by Chip and the spirit of Ashley Griffin.  A bag of dicks was likely to have been sucked as Adrian Peterson forgot how to run downfield ad Danny left Thomas Rawls sitting on the bench.  Not that this game really matters, Chip retains the number 3 seed into the playoffs while Danny is literally the 3rd worst.

RG3: Basic Bitch vs Legatron Prime (112.5 - 109.5)
SJ still wins the North despite the loss to Alex.  But since Alex doesn’t read these write ups and SJ doesn’t need any more praise for his success… this matchup doesn’t get more analysis.

Washington Mullets vs . MariGOATa (110.5 vs 84)
Not even Marcus Mariota can save LB as Eric and his Mullet solidifies his seeding as one of the three teams from the North Division to make the playoffs.  The Mullets will be making their quest for a repeat with Tyrod Taylor as their starter and Andrew Luck on the bench… what a difference a season makes.  Let’s see if he, like Eli Manning, can ride ODB to a championship.

Geno 911! vs Beast a la Mode (95.5 - 47.5)
The matchup between the number 2 seed and the 2nd worst team this season ended pretty much as expected.  This has not been Brian’s season as many of his losses have been blowouts where his score is doubled by his opponents.  Not even dropping Roddy White was able to salvage his season.  Michele rolls into the playoffs with two QBs that alone would have come close to outscoring Brian this week, not at all a bad situation in a season full of injuries and sadness for many teams.


As we move into the playoffs, we have the following questions:

Can Emma and Tash return to early season form to knock out the number 1 seed, Durete?  (Will Tash sabotage Durete’s team by stealing her roommate’s phone?)

Who will win the Battle of the Gingers?

Will the spirit of Ashley Griffin help Chip win it all?

Can Erin pull off a worst to first turnaround?

Will Michele pick the right QB to use to defeat Q. Scott?  Or will the mystery man emerge victorious?


It’s playoffs time!!!

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Week 8: Does anyone remember to give me a title for their blog post? Not Emma. Not EMMA!


Clearly without me or Chip these things won’t get written, so welcome to Week 8.  We’re more than halfway through the fantasy football season and it’s “do or die” time for some teams to remain in contention for the coveted championship.  Although, some teams may have already doo doo’ed and died…  *moment of silence*  May the Sacko be forever in your names…  Onward to the recap!

Party Like a Gronk Star vs Legatron Prime [The Miloing of the Week]: 133 – 62

Whaaaaat?  Where did Durete come from?  If the season ended today, she’d be the number 1 seed in the playoffs.  Is it possible to go from Worst to First to Worst to First?  Based on the drubbing that Eli Manning (oddly the better Manning this season) and her duo of pass-catching Patriots alone would have put on SJ, Durete basically could have started literally anyone on her roster and beat down Legatron Prime along with most of the league this week.  There’s really not much to say about that… other than with Legatron’s loss…

POONCON RED TACOS vs RG3andOUT !: 110 – 85.5
Emma and Tash are now atop their division and holding the number 2 overall seed in the league.  In this Gaymageddon matchup, we all see who has emerged on top. Giggety giggety.  Anyways, Dion Lewis has proven to be best late round auto draft pick ever and Emma’s decision to pick up Benjamin Watson may have provided Poon Tacos with a boost that hopefully takes them all the way to a championship.  And yes, Emma’s decision:
There was nothing poor Zachariah could have done with injuries to Matt Forte and Kendall Wright limiting his point total.  

Dumpster Grill vs . MariGOATa: 67.5 – 58
LB’s devotion to her Tennessee Titans QBs is admirable, however she could have picked up a host of other fill-in QBs instead of committing to the 2 points that Zach Mettenberger got her.  If she had picked up Matt Cassel and started the Tampa Bay defense, she could have defeated the Dumpster Grills, but then, hindsight is 20/20.  Meanwhile the Dumpster Grills are quietly building up a respectable record, tied for first in her division and holding on to the 7th seed in the playoffs.  Behind Hoyer the Destroyer, Erin could be a dark horse contender this year.

Geno 911! Vs O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! – 116.5 – 71
Just like the real life Kaepernick, football was an exercise in futility this week for Rodney.  Even without her fantasy beast, Blake Bortles, Geno 911! trounced O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! who simply didn’t have the pieces to put together to form a competitive team.  Big Ben coming back from injury saved Michele from needing to dig in the portapotty of a waiver wire like LB did for a quarterback.  Granted, Rapelisberger’s 8 points were not needed for her this week, she will have a decision to make next week about who to start.

Mike Vick in a Box vs RG3: Basic Bitch: 83.5 – 80
Speaking of quarterbacks and the Kaep… Alex made a good call this week benching Colin Kaepernick, making a decision that the 49ers probably should have done this week as well.  The irony of her starting Alex Smith is pretty amusing though.  But it just simply wasn’t enough to overcome the mysterious Q-Scott.

Handegg Hooligans vs A A Ron’s B O’ D’s: 93.5 – 66.5
Nothing provides me with more joy than to see Chip knocked down a few pegs in fantasy football, especially one that allows the POONCON RED TACOS to move up in playoff seeding.  But this week, our fantasy league Aussie demonstrated that he’s better the actual NFL Aussie, Jarryd Hayne, who was cut by the NFL’s dumpster fire team of the season: the 49ers.  Chip leaving Brandin Cooks and Michael Floyd on the bench proved to be the Hooligans key to victory.  But then, who could have predicted the kind of day Drew Breesus would have….

Washington Mullets vs Beast a la Mode: 92 – 67.5
Brian had the holy grail player this week… the star of all stars… 7 TDs... 44 fantasy points right there… victory would surely be his!  Except… no.  The Curse of Roddy White has again stricken whoever has him on their roster.  Brian could have started the Fall 2011 Suck it Trebek Flag Football team and they would have probably scored more than his current fantasy roster did.  Eli Manning threw for 6 TDs and none of them to help Beast a la Mode’s TE Larry Donnell.  With this victory, Eric clings to the last playoff spot and Brian, you know what you have to do…  find a poor sap that don’t read these recaps and trade Roddy White away for literally anyone.  Speaking of curses…

Hut hut Pizza Hut vs Literally Goodell [The Heartbreak of the Week]: 107.5 – 107
Prior this matchup of the league’s worst teams I would have predicted a tie, but this is close enough.  The Curse of Roddy White is not the only bane upon our fantasy football teams… the Curse of the Commissionership is just as real.  Rob put forth the best team he had, getting into triple digits… enough points to have beaten 11 out of the 16 teams in the league this week… but sadly Danny was not one of those 11.  Squeaking by with a margin of victory smaller than either of these teams’ hopes for making the playoffs, Hut hut Pizza Hut manages to earn victory number 2, perhaps condemning the Goodells to this year’s Sacko.

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Week 7: When Setting Your Roster Goes Wrong




You're welcome

After a 4-week absence, the recap write-ups have returned, this time covering the halfway mark of the regular fantasy season. Looking at the results, I couldn’t help but notice some of the odd player choices in some of the teams. A couple weeks ago, Laura posted the following on Suck It League Facebook Page:

“Is it just me or is everyone really bad at this this year?”

For this week, for the majority of the losing teams this week, there was a bit of truth behind those words. And now for the recap:

Literally Goodell vs A A Ron’s B O’ D’s

If I can think of at least one Golden truth in this league, it’s that being the commissioner is like the Reverse Midas touch. Instead of gold and fantasy prosperity, it brings nothing but woe, despair, and utter sadness...like the Ravens this year*grumble*. And this week was no different for Rob as outside of another great performance from Julio “Get the Stretch” Jones, the rest of his squad couldn’t help break the now 4-game losing streak. Though to be far, you’re not going to win games when playing the Texans defense that allowed the Dolphins to have their way with them. And speaking about the ‘Fins, woohoo Jarvis Landry and your 22.5 point self leading the charge to a 4th straight W and keeping my 1st place standing intact. 6-1 never looked this good.

POONCON Red TACOS vs Dumpster Grill

The newly-minted partnership of the Poon + Tash continues be to a fruitful one as they were able to the 24.5 victory over Erin and the Dumpster Fire. The usual suspects of Brady and Beast Mode helped paved the way to this week’s victory with 29 and 18 points respectively, but also got some help from a strong showing from the Rams D/ST with 21 points. Meanwhile, Erin got burnt by a goose-egg performance from Josh Hill as well as another bad game from Jordan Matthews. On top of that, she had T.J. Yeldon, who had easily the best game of his young career, chilling on the bench with 17.5 points which could have made the loss closer had she replaced him over Matthews. Even with the lost, Erin finds herself currently holding the 6th playoff seed as well as in the 3-way fight for 1st place in the East.



Party Like A Gronk Star vs RG3: Basic Bitch

In a match-up between former Girl House roommates, it was the 2013 Suck It League champ who came out the victor in this match-up thanks to Gronk, Julie-E and surprisingly a strong performance from the Giants D/ST. Though, I can’t help but wonder what the thinking(if any) was of playing Shane Vereen, the 3rd string RB of a now 4-headed RRBC in the Big Apple, over a lead back like Jonathan Stewart, but thankfully the benching didn’t cost her the W. As for Ms. Brown, she was not so lucky in that department. To be honest, this matchup was decided when Alex thought it was a good idea to bench T.Y. Hilton. The fact that he got 29 points on Sunday on said bench while one of her FLEXs got a 0 is only proves that. Such a basic move….

Geno 911 vs Washington Mullets

While one half of the Breaux-Donaldson duo was marathoning like a boss on Sunday, their team easily ran past their competition with a sound 81.5 - 65 victory over Eric and his Washington Mullets. Overall, every play on Geno 911 pulled their own weight this week with special mentions going to Blake Bortles, Michael Crabtree, Gary Barnidge and Lesean McCoy putting up big numbers this week. On the flip side, big games from Andrew Luck and Jason Witten were not enough to lift our reigning champion out of a now 2-game losing streak. Though you have to wonder if playing Alfred Morris(or any Washington RB for that matter nowadays) over Darren McFadden was the right move(Hint: It was not). There’s still time for Eric’s fortunes to change, but with the North division being easily dominated by both Emma + Tash and SJ, it’s not going to be easy.

Hut hut Pizza Hut vs Handegg Hooligans

Going back to talking about commishes new and old, the former Suck It League commish finally gets a W this week with a 12.5 victory over the Handegg Hooligans. While Josh McCown pretty much did nothing for Danny and ended up getting injured for the 2nd time this year, newly-acquired Stefon Diggs, Doug Martin, and A.P helped picked up the slack. Meanwhile, after an impressive rookie season in the league where he ended up in 4th place, Jack is going through a bit of a sophomore fantasy slump. And he doesn’t help his situation when he plays a someone on FLEX who was deemed inactive while he Charcandrick West, the one player who could have given him the win, bench-riding with 19 points. On top of that, his schedule for the next 6 weeks is not in his favor as he’ll be facing 4 of the top 8 currently, starting with a matchup with yours truly for this coming week. Regardless, I still see Jack making into the playoff dance by the end of it. He knows his numbers and he’ll make it work somehow(except for this week of course)

.MariGOTa vs RG3andOUT!

Evidently, this theme for .MariGOTa for week 7 was “rookies taking care of business” as it was the 2 best offensive rookies this season, Todd Gurley and Amari Cooper, coming up huge to help LB get the victory over Zach. Add those 2 with another strong game from Megatron, our favorite lass from TN goes 4-3, tied for 2nd place in the West division and on the cusp of getting back into the top 8. For RG3andOUT!, there’s only so much when you can when your first and 2nd round picks of Matt Forte and Demaryius Thomas are both on bye weeks and you’re left with Bishop Shanky and Vincent Jackson as shallow substitutes. In any case, even with the 2nd straight loss, Zach is still doing pretty well for his first year in the league and with his 2 top picks coming back, I foresee a strong push to the playoffs.

Mike Vick in a Box vs Legatron Prime [Neck-2-Neck Match of the Week]

Earlier in the week, Quentin was boasting about his impressive win differential and how he was better than his 4-2 record. While it’s possible there might be some truth in that statement, unfortunately this was not his week. As the dust settles from easily this highest scoring matchup of the week were both team reached triple digits, it was SJ, the self-dubbed “King of the North”, coming up on top and squeaking out a 7 point victory over Mike Vick in a Box thanks to strong plays from Ryan Tannehill(what difference a coaching change makes), Mark Ingram, and Danny Woodhead. Coming to this week, the surface Quentin’s team looked like they would do some damage and it came true with Russell Wilson, Jordan Reed, Devonta Freeman and Lamar Miller coming through with big points. But as I’ve learned with the drafter’s remorse that is Brandin Cooks, no New Orleans Saints wide receiver can not be trusted this year. The lesson here is you going to run your yap on FB, make sure your team can cash that check. On the winning side of things, Legatron Prime is enjoying the best start of to the season since the league’s inception, putting up triple digits scores for the 2nd week in a row, and it’s not crazy to say that he’s one of the favorites to win it all this year.

Beast a la Mode vs O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! [Miloing of the Week]

Fantasy Football can be a cruel mistress at time and Brian felt the unforgiving sting this week a 55-point shellacking by Rodney. Looking at his squad, you’re not going to win games when your running back gives you goose eggs and your team in general flatout forgets how to football, though I do question the call of playing the Lions D, who has done nothing to warrant any attention this year, over the Bills D. On top of that, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I personally would have played FitzMagic over Drew Brees as he has been the better QB. On the other side of the match-up, O Kaeptan! My Kaeptain! played so well this week, that they would have even won if the bench players played against Beat a la Mode. But this week also saw Arian Foster, the crown jewel that Rodney stole during the draft, go down with a torn Achilles so it’ll be pretty interesting to see how Rodney’s team performs moving forward.

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Week 3: Check yo bench


Hello and welcome to the Brunch Lineup Setters Blog. This is your Celebrity Blogger and Brunch extraordinaire A. Brown, not to be confused with the I’m sure multiple NFL players named A.Brown. Let’s begin.

This was a big weekend for our league as most of our out of team captains were in town for a wedding. Shit talking was so much easier without so many states in the way.

Let’s begin, but for real this time:

RG3: Basic Bitch vs. O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain!

I’m a little vain so I’m going to start with my own game. This was my first win of the season. Also, while typing this I realized Rodney’s team name is referencing my QB. I also realizing that said QB only gave me a meager 4 points after Michele told me he was gonna be awesome. Thank god for LaGarrette Blount being awesome.  As for Rodney, the Dolphins didn’t do him any favors. He had almost as many points on his bench than his starters. Yay for me.

Pooncon Red Tacos vs. Washington Mullets

Emma rolled the dice with Marshawn Lynch and he basically said fuck you dude.  Meanwhile Eric broke 100 points with a starter who only got him 1 point.  I feel like he should be bragging about that a lot more. Also, when did the Cardinals get good?

Beast a la Mode vs. Literally Goodell

I am super suspicious of Rob’s win here. He peaced out of Ken’s wedding after like 5 minutes, which feels like it could be related. Just saying. Also, too many of his players did spectacular and some of his bench even did dece. I’m just saying, do we really know where he went Saturday night? Because it feels related. Most of Brian’s players did well. His bench is literally a whole thing…..and Brian, you should look into that. 

Mike Vick vs. Handegg Hooligans

Quenten we meet again. Still not convinced I know who you are. Alas, I am here to judge you, and judge I will.  This was a great game. Very close the whole way through. If I know Jack, he is literally so pissed that he benched Travis Benjamin but like who is that. I don’t have much else to say here because it was a good game.

 AA Rod’s B O’ D’s vs. MariGOAT

This game was so awful. I don’t know if this is like an Ashley thing or you guys are just really bad at this. It always makes me laugh when Chip loses though because his shit talking is so intense.  One of his players got zero points and one of LB’s got .5 points. So they both had sucky weeks. LOLZ There is always next week of college football for Laura, Go Vols!

Dumpster Grill vs. Geno 911!

I lolled at Geno 911! Brilliant. But you should have playing Tannehill, that’s what you get for trusting in Pittsburgh. I thought Laura was the one obsessed with Pittsburgh?? And Erin should have gone with the Bucs QB. I realize no one has ever said that in the history of time. There is a first for everything. YOLO.

Legatron Prime vs. Hut Hut Pizza Hut

Alfred Morris only got Danny one point. L Trusting in the Redskins is a dirty gamble. If he had gone with Lance Dunbar, it would have been a much closer game.  SJ had a pretty great game though. He is a Washington fan and knows better.

Party like a Gronk Star vs. RG3andOut!

Last but not least Durete and Zach.  Although Zach was smart enough to bench Kirk Cousins, he still played the Cowboys Romo-less defense. Durete used the power of the other Manning and the Bronco’s D to beat down Zach despite DeAngelo Williams doing literally nothing.

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Week 2: Injury Boogaloo

What up peeps!!. What a topsy-turvy week this past one has been in the new fantasy season. As you can tell by the title, injuries played a huge role this week as the bug has hit hard and early than years past. In some cases, the bug didn’t hurt teams too much but in others, it cost them the W. On top of that, this week saw the continued uprise of two teams that I’m pretty sure we all didn’t expect to be good, especially one in particular. But more on that later. For now, let’s take a look back at the week that was.



Party Like A Gronk Star vs Beast a la Mode [The Miloing of the Week]

I think it’s fair to say that as a group as well as individually, we have had a good time poking fun at Durete for some of her legitimately boneheaded decision-making when it comes to fantasy football as well as her status as our league’s Taco. At this point, It’s pretty much a yearly tradition. Though it’s still early in the season, those times might be coming to end because Durete is killing it right now, this week getting a 73.5-point victory over Brian. Unsurprising, drafting both of Brady’s prized weapons of Gronk and Edelman have contributed in her early season domination as both players have huge games the last 2 weeks. But she’s also getting some help from the unlikeliest sources in the Broncos’ D/ST, DeAngelo Williams, and Eric Decker. Hell, even Derpy Eli is helping out with the cause. Meanwhile on the side, Brian can’t catch a break, with another underperformance of the usually-reliable (and now injured) Drew Brees and a questionable benching of Randall Cobb in favor of the fantasy football plague that is Roddy White. Now I’m not saying the past 2 weeks disqualifies Durete of Taco status, but I am saying it may be time to stop and take notice because we may be seeing another Worst-To-First situation in the making.

Legatron Prime vs POONCON Red TACOS

Despite leaving 49.5 points on the bench, Emma and Tash were able to get the W victory over SJ thanks to another big game from Tom Brady. This is the best start to Emma’s team by far since the league’s inception which begs the eternal question: “Has Emma finally found a way to not self-Milo herself in fantasy football?”. Though it’s still way too early to tell, it appears so. On the other side, while SJ’s roster looks pretty good on paper, having Keenan Allen get a giant 0 along with another bad game from the Kam Chancellor-less Seahawks D never helps in the winning category. At least he has a decent kicker.

A A Ron’s B O’ D’s vs O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain

In a match-up that was projected to be one of the week’s closest matchups which came down to the Monday night game, the A A Ron’s B O’ D’s squeaked out a victory from Rodney and the O Kaeptain! My Kaeptains, despite Eddie Lacy and his rubber ankles contributing to 0 points as well as Frank Gore’s inability to not fumble the ball on the goalline. Can anyone say drafter’s remorse. On the plus side, it was another decent Sunday from Matthew Stafford, injured ribs and all, as well stellar games from Tyler Eifert(possible best late-round pick-up of ‘15) and Jarvis Landry. As for the defeated, the injury bug has hit Rodney hard, as he was without the services of Dez Bryant and Alshon Jeffery. While his choice of replacing Dez with Stevie Johnson was a pretty sound idea, I’m definitely sure if he would do it again, he would place Allen Robinson and his 30 points instead. But really, who expected the Jags of all teams to have a good game, amirite?

RG3: Basic Bitch vs .ODBHJ

In the 3rd installment of the Battle of the Browns, Laura was able to avenge her defeat last year by getting the 4-point victory for Alex, which has to be a bit crushing for the RG3: Basic Bitches considering they came into this matchup as the 20.2-point favorite. While both teams had players that did nothing to help either team’s chances of victory, it pretty much came down which team sucked less. Unfortunately for A-Brown, having 2 players producing a giant 0 is never going to go well for you. But hey, at least that Antonio Brown character is quite good in catching the football and scoring.

Mike Vick in a Box vs Geno 911

In this match-up, the partnership of the Breaux and Sweet D got their first win of the season over the league’s residential recluse, thanks to huge games from Ryan Tannehill and Torrey Smith(of all people). Both teams combined left 133 points just chilling on the bench, with Quentin’s QB2 in Derek Carr scoring 5 more than Russell Wilson, which would have easily won the match-up for him. But at least his WR1 Brandon Marshall put up big numbers on Monday, which is more than you can say about Andre Johnson, Adam Vinatieri and the entire Colts team in general these days. So much for Super Bowl contenders, though in this writer’s opinion, any ill will or misfortune that befalls the Irsay family warms me up inside.


Dumpster Grill vs Handegg Hooligans

Despite his FLEX player doing next to nothing, Jack was able the 12.5 victory over Erin, who didn’t get that much help from her players outside of Jordan Matthews. And though she finally got another quarterback for her team, it ended up being the wrong call as Jameis Winston got 8 more points than Nick Foles. So at least for this week, the Dumpster Fire burns on.

Washington Mullets vs Hut hut Pizza Hut

It took another week to get the gears going, but the fantasy savior that his OBJesus finally came through for Eric with 23.5 points as our reigning champs got their first win of the season over the former Suck It League commish. But the real hero of this matchup is without a doubt Larry Fitzgerald, who got a mind-boggling 33 points, proving that the veteran still has the game-maker abilities and talent that made him such a star in fantasy year’s past. For Danny, having Peyton Manning, AP, and Steve Smith, Sr doesn’t change the fact that having Zach Ertz as the sole TE has been disastrous for him as he’s only produced 8 points in the last 2 weeks. So perhaps a change is in order for that position(*cough* Richard Rogers *cough*)

Literally Goodell vs RG3andOUT! [Neck-2-Neck Match]

By far, the closest match-up this past week was that of one of the newest members of the Suck-It League versus our “esteemed” commish. Both teams got huge games from the usual suspects(i.e. Matt Ryan and D-Thomas) as well as noticeable duds(i.e 49ers D and Kendall Wright). But once the dust settled, it was young Zachariah edging out the vet Rob with a .5-point victory as it was the D that did Rob in as the 49ers were pretty much pimp-slapped in every facet of the game by the Steelers. The lone positive for the Literally Goodells is the re-emergence of Julio Jones, who after 2 years of fantasy irrelevance, is finally coming back to the stud that he was in years past. Plus his Falcons are 2-0 for the first time in years, so at least one of his teams is doing something right.

--Chip

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Week 1: FOOTBALL IS UPON US!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen... the 2015 Fantasy Football Season has started.  Here's to another several months of trash talk, heartbreak, hubris, and ultimately eternal shame for one team, shattered hopes and dreams for 14 others and ill-gotten glory for whoever emerges from this annual shitshow for the championship.  There will be trade rapes, remorse, new curses, old curses, Miloings, and maybe more rapping from Rob Sale.

This season, we welcome two rookies into our midst.... Zachariah (RG3andOUT !) and Tash (POONCON RED TACOS).  Last year Eric joined the league and shocked everyone by winning it all in his first go around.  Perhaps the newcomers will have similar luck... Or will Chip finally win one after coming close two years in a row?  Or perhaps Erin can pull a Durete and go from worst to first?  It's anybody's season at this point... so here we go with the Week 1 Recap:


POONCON RED TACOS vs I can't feel my fingers [The Miloing of the Week]: 112.5 - 46.5

The first champion of our league is looking to bring the title back to NYC and on paper Danny looked to have drafted quite well... if it was 2012 again.  He even included Tim Tebow on his roster but like the SEC Commentator of the Year himself, all the Tebowing in the world doesn't mean a thing in football, fantasy or otherwise.

You'd also think Danny would've heeded the warning that his team name, "I can't feel my fingers" would turn out to be for the aging Peyton "Chicken Parm You Taste So Good" Manning.  Sorry dude, Nationwide was NOT on your side.  

On the opposite side of the field, we have POONCON RED TACOS, now with more Taco.  The Poon/Tacos'... Pacos'? bench could have been competitive against Peyton Manning's Hand Nubs.  And finally in the words of Tash:  "Matt Bryant!" (Say it like Team America's "Myyyyyaaaaaattt Damon", it's funnier that way)

Party Like a Gronk Star vs Literally Goodell: 102.5 - 93.5

As with the previous game, there is definite foreshadowing with the team names.  The real Roger Goodell put up a valiant effort to make sure everyone else's balls were firm while his were snipped off by the poorly drawn courtroom sketch of Tom Brady's dimples.  This week's matchup between the Gronk Stars and Literally Goodell didn't end much better for Rob as a dominating performance from Gronk and Julian Edelman proved to be a more fruitful combination than Matty Ice and Julio Jones.

What makes this win for Durete even better is that she forgot she had Gronk on her roster and had to be reminded.  This, my friends, is why Tash may never actually unseat Durete as the league's Taco.

Legatron Prime vs Washington Mullets: 102 - 79

The reigning champs didn't fare well as the Mullets took a lost against Legatron.  Disappointing games from Andrew Luck and ODB didn't help, but there wasn't really much more than the Mullets could've done to win.  In addition to his high scoring starters, Legaton's bench would have defeated 3 teams this week.

O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! vs ODBHJ:  77 - 59.5

Speaking of benches... LB's bench looks AWFUL with three injured running backs, but... she also had AND sat Marcus Mariota and Austin Seferian-Jenkins, potential difference makers in her 77-59.5 loss to Rodney.    Sitting a rookie QB makes sense, but why would you start a WR3 over a starting TE in your Flex?  The world may never know.

Dumpster Grill vs Mike Vick In a Box: 103.5 - 84.5

Q-Scott, the man, the myth, the loser in this match up... you got burned by the Dumpster Fire.  Perennial cellar dwellers, Dumpster Grill put up the 2nd highest score this week with a team that was mostly autodrafted.  Maybe this is the year that the eternal flame that is the Dumpster Fire gets put out?  But then... Erin is literally all-in with Jameis Winston, with no backup QB on her bench.  I wouldn't hold my breath.  Or maybe I should, dumpster fires smell bad.

A-Rod's B O' D's vs RG3: Basic Bitch:  97.5 - 78

Leaving 73.5 points on the bench would likely sink any team, but the power of Ashley is compelling Chip and the A-Rod B O' D's  Alex was undone by trusting a Washington Football Team receiver that ended up getting hurt trying to chase down an overthrow by Kirk Cousins.  Somewhere up there, Ashley said, "Suck a Bag of Dicks" and it was so...  Chip is likely to reap the benefits of having a co-owner with more clout than Sweet Baby Jesus Tebow as he tries to avoid being the Buffalo Bills of the league.

Handegg Hooligans vs Geno 911!: 96.5 - 55.5

In another matchup where the team names helped frame the narrative The Hooligans definitely punched Geno in the mouth.  Even if Jack had benched all of his players, Travis Kelce and Carlos Hyde almost would have beat Michele and Sweet D singlehandedly.  With several injured players on the bench, the Hooligans look to build on this victory.  As Geno should really probably actually call 911.  

Beast a la Mode vs RG3andOUT ! [The Heartbreak of the Week]: 87 - 82

Welcome to the league Zachariah... you've broken Brian's heart with your win over your fam.  Even leaving 80 points on the bench, Zach still emerged victorious in the closest matchup this week.  Zach capitalized on Brian's lack of a good tight end as Larry Donnell was outscored by pretty much anyone who played this week. But all of that might not matter as Brian is the one saddled with the The Curse of Roddy White this season.  Sorry bro.

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