Clearly without me or Chip these things won’t get written, so welcome to Week 8. We’re more than halfway through the fantasy football season and it’s “do or die” time for some teams to remain in contention for the coveted championship. Although, some teams may have already doo doo’ed and died… *moment of silence* May the Sacko be forever in your names… Onward to the recap!
Party Like a Gronk Star vs Legatron Prime [The Miloing of the Week]: 133 – 62
Whaaaaat? Where did Durete come from? If the season ended today, she’d be the number 1 seed in the playoffs. Is it possible to go from Worst to First to Worst to First? Based on the drubbing that Eli Manning (oddly the better Manning this season) and her duo of pass-catching Patriots alone would have put on SJ, Durete basically could have started literally anyone on her roster and beat down Legatron Prime along with most of the league this week. There’s really not much to say about that… other than with Legatron’s loss…
POONCON RED TACOS vs RG3andOUT !: 110 – 85.5
Emma and Tash are now atop their division and holding the number 2 overall seed in the league. In this Gaymageddon matchup, we all see who has emerged on top. Giggety giggety. Anyways, Dion Lewis has proven to be best late round auto draft pick ever and Emma’s decision to pick up Benjamin Watson may have provided Poon Tacos with a boost that hopefully takes them all the way to a championship. And yes, Emma’s decision:
There was nothing poor Zachariah could have done with injuries to Matt Forte and Kendall Wright limiting his point total.
Dumpster Grill vs . MariGOATa: 67.5 – 58
LB’s devotion to her Tennessee Titans QBs is admirable, however she could have picked up a host of other fill-in QBs instead of committing to the 2 points that Zach Mettenberger got her. If she had picked up Matt Cassel and started the Tampa Bay defense, she could have defeated the Dumpster Grills, but then, hindsight is 20/20. Meanwhile the Dumpster Grills are quietly building up a respectable record, tied for first in her division and holding on to the 7th seed in the playoffs. Behind Hoyer the Destroyer, Erin could be a dark horse contender this year.
Geno 911! Vs O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! – 116.5 – 71
Just like the real life Kaepernick, football was an exercise in futility this week for Rodney. Even without her fantasy beast, Blake Bortles, Geno 911! trounced O Kaeptain! My Kaeptain! who simply didn’t have the pieces to put together to form a competitive team. Big Ben coming back from injury saved Michele from needing to dig in the portapotty of a waiver wire like LB did for a quarterback. Granted, Rapelisberger’s 8 points were not needed for her this week, she will have a decision to make next week about who to start.
Mike Vick in a Box vs RG3: Basic Bitch: 83.5 – 80
Speaking of quarterbacks and the Kaep… Alex made a good call this week benching Colin Kaepernick, making a decision that the 49ers probably should have done this week as well. The irony of her starting Alex Smith is pretty amusing though. But it just simply wasn’t enough to overcome the mysterious Q-Scott.
Handegg Hooligans vs A A Ron’s B O’ D’s: 93.5 – 66.5
Nothing provides me with more joy than to see Chip knocked down a few pegs in fantasy football, especially one that allows the POONCON RED TACOS to move up in playoff seeding. But this week, our fantasy league Aussie demonstrated that he’s better the actual NFL Aussie, Jarryd Hayne, who was cut by the NFL’s dumpster fire team of the season: the 49ers. Chip leaving Brandin Cooks and Michael Floyd on the bench proved to be the Hooligans key to victory. But then, who could have predicted the kind of day Drew Breesus would have….
Washington Mullets vs Beast a la Mode: 92 – 67.5
Brian had the holy grail player this week… the star of all stars… 7 TDs... 44 fantasy points right there… victory would surely be his! Except… no. The Curse of Roddy White has again stricken whoever has him on their roster. Brian could have started the Fall 2011 Suck it Trebek Flag Football team and they would have probably scored more than his current fantasy roster did. Eli Manning threw for 6 TDs and none of them to help Beast a la Mode’s TE Larry Donnell. With this victory, Eric clings to the last playoff spot and Brian, you know what you have to do… find a poor sap that don’t read these recaps and trade Roddy White away for literally anyone. Speaking of curses…
Hut hut Pizza Hut vs Literally Goodell [The Heartbreak of the Week]: 107.5 – 107
Prior this matchup of the league’s worst teams I would have predicted a tie, but this is close enough. The Curse of Roddy White is not the only bane upon our fantasy football teams… the Curse of the Commissionership is just as real. Rob put forth the best team he had, getting into triple digits… enough points to have beaten 11 out of the 16 teams in the league this week… but sadly Danny was not one of those 11. Squeaking by with a margin of victory smaller than either of these teams’ hopes for making the playoffs, Hut hut Pizza Hut manages to earn victory number 2, perhaps condemning the Goodells to this year’s Sacko.
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